so, my mom phoned me at work yesterday which i should take immediately as a bad sign because she only ever phones me at work when something is wrong. and there was something wrong, well not wrong anymore i guess... she phoned to say that they had to put morgan down on monday night which was like exactly three weeks after the vet said she may only have three weeks to live. it was just really hard to hear that because i was at work and i can't really cry at work and my mom was crying and it made me even more upset and also this was the first time that i was abroad when one of the pets passed away.
i think the worst part still is that when i go home for thanksgiving, morgan won't be there and that is when i really have to face up to the fact that she is gone. i feel like i'm not ready for that and when i am ready i'll have to actually go home and then i won't be ready for that either. it's when stuff like this happens that i wish i didn't live abroad so i could have been there.

i've not been forgetting about writing in my journal, i've written posts in my head!! they've unforutnately just not made it to the internet as i haven't been on livejournal that often since early last week. however, diet and exercise are going quite well! i've been doing my pilates dvd most days and i've already noticed that my stomach is looking a lot flatter!! i've also been out on two really long walks as the weather here is finally getting nice and i even went out without a jacket yesterday afternoon! steven's brought his bike over the flat so after i pump up the tires and adjust the seat height i will be off for a cycle this evening!! i feel like the spring weather is infectious! i just keep thinking about going outside for a walk or a run or just doing exercise in general!
hooray for spring!!

so far not so bad today! i was pretty good when it came to food today, except the two chocolate truffles i had at work. why must people bring in good sweets?!!? but beside that i snacked on an apple and a clementine instead of something not so good and have been food shopping today so i'm set up for the week.
actually a bit sore from the pilates dvd last night! think that means that it's working, so going to have another round tonight. tomorrow i think i will take on the gym! i've been debating doing a cycle ride for the guide dogs charity but i think i'm going to do it so i feel like i have something to work toward. all i need is a bike and a bike helmet! the cycle is from glasgow to ratho which i think is something like 40-50 miles! i feel like i could do it as long as i get to the gym and start cycling! think i will actually register tomorrow and just commit myself to it! hopefully this will help me focus on something and get a bit of motivation.
not sure if this journal entry is very good in the grammar department but i've been watching tv at the same time. supersize vs. superskinny which is totally appropriate for what i am writing about!!

so two days into my pledge to loss weight and so far not doing so great. i was sort of tempted not to write so i could just live in blissful ignorance, but that would have gone against my promise to myself to write everything down. so diet/exercise not really happening right now! although i ate mainly healthy yesterday (minus the popcorn at the movies...!) but today i was sort of really lazy and ate like a dozen chocolate macaroons while being lazy. but then i also spent two something hours cleaning the bedrooms in the flat and re-folding all the clothing in my dresser and sorting out my jewelry drawer. then i made celery soup for my work lunches and risotto for dinner. so i guess i was sort of ok. AND i did half an hour of pilates!! i bought a dvd that has 5 different ten minute segments, so i did three of those. and they were really hard! i am either going to do that again tomorrow night or try to get to the gym (which means finding my gym pass....opps) or have a run outside!
hopefully i'll get myself a bit more motivated for the rest of the week!

i went to see shutter island today, partially because i find most leonardo dicaprio movies very good and also because i was intgruied by the story. the movie was really good, made better by the fact that i got to use the cinema tickets i had won in the raffle last week! (i was so chuffed! i hardly even win anything!!) but without giving anything away, i'm still not sure which story in the movie was true! it was one of those movies that has a twist in it that leaves you wondering what really happened for the first 90 percent of the movie!
the one disappoint of the movie is that part of it is flashbacks to the liberation of dachau concentration camp and i'm pretty sure that they used auschwitz concentration camp for the filming. the two camps look nothing like each other at all! and they had the infamous auschwitz (Arbeit macht frei)sign as the US army entered the camp. it's like um please check your filming locations before claiming they are one place when they clearly are not.
anyway, i'd recommend the movie and i've just requested the book from the library so i'll see if the book is anygood as well.

trying to keep my promise about updating more often. i feel like if i got back into the hang of writing more often and being able to see my thoughts written down, i would be able to get myself a bit more organised and motivated in my life! it sort of feels that for the past two plus years i've been saying that i'm going to get back in shape and lose weight, but somehow after a few weeks of being really good i just sort of stop. part of me feels like it's because i'm happy with the way that i am, which i am actually. i know i'm not a size zero six foot tall super model, but i'm quite happy with my curvy/hourglass shape and five foot one stance. it's just that eating rubbish makes me feel rubbish and tired and lazy. and then i look at myself in my clothing and see that it's tight and want it to not be tight and to look a bit better in it. so the cycle just starts all over again.
i remember when i lost all the weight the fist time and i feel like that had a lot to do with my commitment to writing everything down. i'd write down the food i ate and how much i drank and all the exercise i did and it worked. for months i wrote down everything and i lost loads of weight and it stayed off. everything time i start that again i lose weight but then i stop and i stay the same for awhile and then put it all back on. i feel like if i do everything the way i'd done it the first time that maybe it would work! so i'm going to start trying to write in this again more often, at least once a week to record my weight loss/gain. that way at least i feel that i'm holding myself responsible to someone, even if i don't know who is reading it.
so to start it all off....
currently my weight loss is zero and my weight gain is zero! exercise is planned for tomorrow and healthy eating to start again and stay on track!!! if you're reading, wish me luck!

it's snowing again! i feel like one of the reasons i came to scotland was to escape harsh weather conditions, yet this has been one of the worst winters they have had in about 50 years. it's even worse than the winter in the states my parents are having! the upside though is that i don't have a car that i need to worry about and the snow has not deterred the bus service. i hope this means that scotland will now be rewarded with an amazing warm and sunny summer!! *fingers crossed*

yay new lj theme and pictures!!!

i just finished the last novel in the secret society girl series and feel so sad now. i've read loads of books since i started this series and then forgot about it and then recently got the last two books to read and rarely have i found another story that just stays with me. i don't know if it's because there was so much of it that i could relate to and the memories of my own university years, but the story just stays. and there isn't another book to read now! which is why i'm sad, despite the fact that i have five library books sitting on my floor ready to be started! i just want to read more about amy and jamie and the other diggers and rose & grave....sigh......

it's strange how things all of a sudden come to the front of your mind, but i guess it's because they've been lurking at the back for months now. the livejournal question of the day was about ending a friendship because it was unhealthy for your self esteem. it just made me think about the girl that used to be my best friend and how we ended up not being friends after she visited me not even a year ago. for the first few months afterwards i thought about it a lot and then not so much recently, but every now and then i think about her and how much i miss her friendship. she was one of the only people that kept in daily contact with me when i moved to scotland and we talked pretty much every day. which is something that i really miss now.
seeing that question this morning just made me think about it all again and wonder if it's too late to try to patch things up. i felt like what happened was so disrespectful to me and it's because of that i never got in touch and didn't want to make the first contact. but now i'm wondering if that really matters all that much or even if we could be friends like how we used to be. i guess until i figure all of that out, it will still just be something that lurks about in my mind, coming to the forefront when i'm feeling nostalgic abotu the past...